Jesus, I am overwhelmed with the thought of how underwhelmed I have been by the CROSS You bore on my behalf. It terrifies me how easy it is to make, even the pursuit of You, all about me. Like Paul I cry out, “...Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Romans 7:24. I love it when You come for me, but never in my KNOWING, but always, like an ever faithful, best-friend show up the moment I acknowledge my NEED for You. And You remind me, “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2. Like the emperor with new clothes, I become suddenly aware that once again , I tried to dress myself in that which was insufficient to cover me, my flesh. When will I ever become more aware of my need for You than I am of myself? Oh, I long for the day when I wake up like a newborn baby, ready to be picked up and fully carried about through this life, only aware of one thing; my complete and utter dependency on You. After all, I am truly THAT desperate!
Sometimes, I wonder how You can love me so much as to tolerate my ever present need for You. I must admit, sometimes I think it would be so nice to be able to say, like my son did the first time he rode his bike without training wheels, “look! I can do it myself!” Yet, I know, You know our frame, You remember that we are dust, and for me to say, “I can do it myself!”, I might as well be saying, “I am not One with You, God.” For when You came for me, You didn’t come to teach me how to be a good girl on my own, a girl who looks like You, but doesn’t need You or know You. You came to make me ONE with You, to restore what was lost in the Garden where You said, “let us make man in our image, after our likeness…” Genesis 1:26. That word, “our”, indicates that You were One in image, and in Presence. And as You are, so are we to become.
Yet, we exchanged You, we traded Your, “our,” for an image that we get to create ourselves. We exchanged Your Creation for the chance to be our own creators.
And yet, You still came for us…
Knowing we might not choose You, You willingly chose to exit Your, “our” and enter into our, “self” and bear the weight of every lost place, and all the broken pieces that get stuck to our feet and hearts along our lost journeys. I know I can never FULLY understand what that was like for You,nor can anyone, as none of us are God, no matter how we might try to be.
None of us will never know what if felt like to not just die, but to become DEATH itself, a truer definition than we can ever know or understand in light of what You purchased for us that day on the Cross. We talk about it and read about it, but only You bore the weight of it across Your shoulders.
None of us will ever know the true definition of sin. We have bibles and concordances to help us understand, and Your Holy Spirit that so gently, yet powerfully searches us out and helps us acknowledge our sins so that we can turn from them, but only You know what it feels like to become the container in which every single sin of every man that ever lived or will live was thrust into. Only You know the full weight of ALL sin as you carried out our sentence upon that tree.
None of us fully understand Your humility, how You were God, yet You humbled Yourself as Son of Man. We, who reach for google and instant answers almost as often as we breath, can’t comprehend a God Who willingly laid aside His right to KNOW so that He could stay fully entrusted to His Father for answers, direction, provision, and yes, even for His faithfulness to say, “no” when He knew that to say, “yes” meant forfeiting the greater mission of becoming the Bridge upon which leads us home.
Jesus, I am overwhelmed at how underwhelmed I can become at ALL You became for me. Yet, I am convinced that You, the One Who made the Great Exchange for me, will faithfully see me through as I continually exchange this needy self for who I am in You.